I think I may do a bit of a blog overhaul at some point and give it a new look considering I've had the same layout on here for 5 years haha.
I was only reminded of this account by Jay yesterday when he mentioned he may start blogging online again. So you have him to thank for that.
So what can I tell you crazy kids?
Not long after my last entry I discovered I was pregnant (I suppose that is a good enough excuse for not posting in ages, it's a pretty big distraction). Jay and I found out last week that we are expecting a little boy :) So come September we will have a beautiful little man terrorising our nights sleep, I know it's going to be incredibly difficult by I honestly can't wait.
Since finding out I have become so excited about the most mundane things, I'm really excited to decorate the spare room, set up the cot, go buy baby clothes etc.
Whereas I've never been that kind of person before, I would normally much rather pursue more selfish endeavours like sit on my butt playing video games whilst letting someone else do all the hard work.
My only fear is as the days progress I get more and more tired, and more and more fat.
So I'm really itching to start getting things ready, because in a month or so the last thing I will want to do is walk around shops all day. I'm already aching like an old woman and feeling pretty drained as it is. (Who knew pregnancy caused an inability to find a comfortable position to sleep in? ...Probably most women actually haha!)
So what other news can I report since my last entry?
I still haven't seen my dad in ages... He kept saying he would come round, or we would meet up and then he would let me down and not reply to messages. The last time I saw him he was back in the hospice and the only reason I went was because my sister (on my dads side) Sophia wanted to meet me and wanted moral support to go see him. After that I have heard nothing from him. I don't know whether he is alive or dead or anything. And quite honestly after trying non stop on my end to keep in contact with him I give up, because it has been ridiculously one sided which I think is incredibly cruel. He's never made an effort my whole life with me, then when I did meet him he made out like he had tried over the years (what a load of crap) and then when he has the chance to make up for lost time he just lets me down over and over and blanks me when I do text. So I've washed my hands of him. A normal person in his situation would make an effort to put things right, especially when it comes to their child. But he apparently is heartless, he has time to go off and meet random women online, go out taking drugs and drinking with his mates, but has no time for his own kid. Cheers 'Dad'.
In other news, I'm trying to make a conscious decision to start attending church again each Sunday, I realised I'd not been in a while and couldn't honestly think of a reason why, I still read my scriptures every day and what not, but I genuinely seem to keep sleeping in or forgetting each Sunday to go. It sounds ridiculous but it's true. Baby brain? Who knows. I think another part of it is perhaps nerves.
I have this image of getting fatter and fatter and more and more pregnant and turning up alone and being judged. Even though in reality I'm not, I actually have amazing friends at church who are amazingly supportive and lovely. I need to get over that fear either way, as there isn't a hope in hell Jay is ever going to come with me and my anxiety is something I need to overcome as I've been plagued by it for too many years now. Plus going to church activities is amazing, I always feel a lot happier and it's better than being stuck in alone without Jay, or waiting for Jay to wake up. I may as well do something on a weekend and what is better than feeling the spirit, learning and being happier?
All in all, I'm happy, I still get bummed out from time to time, but things in my life are actually the most settled they have been in years, the only thing that gets me down is housework, loneliness and worrying about my Grandmothers health as she seems to be on the way out unfortunately :(
But tomorrow we may get some more insight on her health as my mom and aunt (who has come over from Suffolk) are going to the hospital with her to see her consultant.
So I will update then. :)
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