Its been bloody ages since i posted on this blog spot. And to be fair too much has changed, and Ill write down here honestly, because I guess if you cant be honest with yourself who can you be honest with?
So, judging by the fact the last time I posted it was... hmmm July 26th 2008... shiiit.
So how did Neenee go from this... --->
<------To this abismal piece of mess? lol
Honestly Im unsure too.... Well, it all started with losing my identity I can only assume haha.
Nah seriously, after the last blog, life went tits up, it seemed like Id jumped from the frying pan to the fire when I left my moms, I did have good times whilst living in Rugeley I made a wicked bunch of friends, but every day I spent there sucked the life from me further. My mental stability went soooo down hill its unbelievable. After me and Wayne split, life... had no meaning anymore, he was in all honesty (and i can still look back and say honestly) my life then, he was my best friend, the bestest friend anyone could ask for, we had the most fun ever, you could party with him like a crazy bitch, you could sit there and watch the most stupid junk on tv while pigging out on the most awful junk, have the most deep conversations, and the most retarded conversations... you could cry on his shoulder and confide in him and at the end of the day... it would be cool. And when everything ballsed up, I felt shit, I died, I wanted to die, I tried to die, I ended up in hospital in September when just my whole world came crashing to a standstill... I lost my head, everything was horrible, and it seemed unbearable. So i tried to escape, and od'd. I was completely incapacitated for almost a week. I got back to Rugeley about 3 days after the night it happened, which wasnt really too helpful because I had to face everyone and all the gossip that went along with everything that happened. The thing with Aeflgar was that theres so much unneeded drama, and it drags you down, its a dive and I just wouldnt recommend Hostel life to anyone. After it all happened I decided I never wanted to be in agony the way I had been in before when it happened. (And since then I havent od'd or anything I kept to my word) I should have died that night, but I didnt, so I guess theres some shit im needed for in this world.) I began drinking like a crazy fucker, more so than I did before haha, and I got kind of known for drinking haha, I began having little parties in my flat, singing on singstar with everyone, smoking and drinking, guitar hero competitions, etc. Or Id just be in the pub day in day out. It was fun, not healthy to be fair. It didnt take my mind off the real issues, i was missing my ex, i was still hurting, I was still feeling awful and my head was a mess, (in the end the doctors were like, "oh ya, oh hai! venlafaxine actually can makes yoo' more suicidalz ja!" fuckin retards it only took you near death to tell me) But ja, i continued with it, and found solace (ish) with a mate and saw him for a bit, I think I just needed someone who had been in the same mental frame as i was and who could understand. But nyeeeeh in the end i was just like... NAAAH. Chris wasnt for me. But then I found Martin, who yeah, wow... it was odd... Martin was my first little love when I was 11 ish, he was my first kiss. Lol. We started going out on the 14th January, and then when i moved out of Aelfgar into my new house in Armitage he moved in with me lol. And oh my god I just got proper de ja vous. Writing this and listening to this song... wiiiieeeerd.
Nah seriously, after the last blog, life went tits up, it seemed like Id jumped from the frying pan to the fire when I left my moms, I did have good times whilst living in Rugeley I made a wicked bunch of friends, but every day I spent there sucked the life from me further. My mental stability went soooo down hill its unbelievable. After me and Wayne split, life... had no meaning anymore, he was in all honesty (and i can still look back and say honestly) my life then, he was my best friend, the bestest friend anyone could ask for, we had the most fun ever, you could party with him like a crazy bitch, you could sit there and watch the most stupid junk on tv while pigging out on the most awful junk, have the most deep conversations, and the most retarded conversations... you could cry on his shoulder and confide in him and at the end of the day... it would be cool. And when everything ballsed up, I felt shit, I died, I wanted to die, I tried to die, I ended up in hospital in September when just my whole world came crashing to a standstill... I lost my head, everything was horrible, and it seemed unbearable. So i tried to escape, and od'd. I was completely incapacitated for almost a week. I got back to Rugeley about 3 days after the night it happened, which wasnt really too helpful because I had to face everyone and all the gossip that went along with everything that happened. The thing with Aeflgar was that theres so much unneeded drama, and it drags you down, its a dive and I just wouldnt recommend Hostel life to anyone. After it all happened I decided I never wanted to be in agony the way I had been in before when it happened. (And since then I havent od'd or anything I kept to my word) I should have died that night, but I didnt, so I guess theres some shit im needed for in this world.) I began drinking like a crazy fucker, more so than I did before haha, and I got kind of known for drinking haha, I began having little parties in my flat, singing on singstar with everyone, smoking and drinking, guitar hero competitions, etc. Or Id just be in the pub day in day out. It was fun, not healthy to be fair. It didnt take my mind off the real issues, i was missing my ex, i was still hurting, I was still feeling awful and my head was a mess, (in the end the doctors were like, "oh ya, oh hai! venlafaxine actually can makes yoo' more suicidalz ja!" fuckin retards it only took you near death to tell me) But ja, i continued with it, and found solace (ish) with a mate and saw him for a bit, I think I just needed someone who had been in the same mental frame as i was and who could understand. But nyeeeeh in the end i was just like... NAAAH. Chris wasnt for me. But then I found Martin, who yeah, wow... it was odd... Martin was my first little love when I was 11 ish, he was my first kiss. Lol. We started going out on the 14th January, and then when i moved out of Aelfgar into my new house in Armitage he moved in with me lol. And oh my god I just got proper de ja vous. Writing this and listening to this song... wiiiieeeerd.
Anywho, yeah... So Martin moved in, I turned 21, I got a puppy (her name is Sara, which isnt pronounced Sayrah, its pronounced Sah-ra. Sara is Sanskrit for 'the essence' or in hebrew it means 'princess' but that sounds a bit wussy so ill stick to the essence) She is a long haired chihuahua and shes cute as something really cute, here she is...
This picture was from the day i first got her though so shes fairly larger than that now, not to mention shes a lot fluffier, she has cute fluffy ears which from behind look like Angel wings. Anywho yeah, things arent awesome, but theyre ok, its wierd, sometimes he drinks too much and acts like a prick, he flies into proper fits for no reason, and when he gets angry he chucks shit about. He likes his own way. I guess living in such close quarters isnt good all the time, but he doesnt go out alone. Pfft. We've split up once, i dumped him, he promised he'd change, hasnt looked like he will as of yet, he keeps saying we'll do things but he never follows through with it, im getting sick of it. Blah im off.
